i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
