Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
