she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
