please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
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She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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