She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
