Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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