I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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