just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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