here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Randomize
