i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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