i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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