My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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