There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
