I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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