i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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