census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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