New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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