Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We were destined to go to rehab together
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
