i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
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You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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