I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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