Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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