TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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