Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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