I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize