he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
