So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Redeem this text for a blowjob
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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