Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
