I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
