Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
