My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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