legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
