i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
ttyl tear gas
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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