Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
