went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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