I am puke
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It's never too late to be topless.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
