Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
