I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
