No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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