there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
