Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
