why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
