I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
40s are totally the cure
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
