So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
