The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Oh god it's open bar.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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