did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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