I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.