True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
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And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
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And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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