The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
