i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
