You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
