the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
