i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
how drunk are you?
Several
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
