i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
