you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
