Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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