i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
