Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Pooping to opera.
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