You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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