When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
