He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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