Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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