This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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