I wish I could punch you in the face.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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