Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
