are you still at the devil's house?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
