I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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