So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
